The life of a much loved mother and vibrant woman from our school community was cut short recently. She was intoxicated and while resisting help to get into an ambulance, fell and hit her head and went into a coma. She died two days later.
The shock followed by the tittering of gossip (yes, normal) was followed by personal introspection (normal). Perhaps you are you asking yourself, "could this have been me?"
I’m sure I’m not the only person who has been told that this beautiful person had a problem with alcohol. There was no malice but it does shine a light on how our society processes that information.
Out of respect for our friend, it's vitally important to dispel some common myths here.
"Why couldn't they just stop?" No one sets out to or wants to become alcohol dependent. If it was as easy as "just stopping" then there would be no alcoholics.
"They must have been unhappy!" No, it's purely an addiction. The brain of someone with AUD seeks the quick release of endorphins that a glass of wine will bring and gradually will need more and more to gain the same effect. In fact, it's the alcohol itself which is a depressant both mentally and physically.
"What about AA?" It is well known that AA has a 2.5% success rate. (That's not a typo!)
What has occurred is a tragedy in too many ways. This devastating loss could have been prevented if our friend had had the courage to talk to their doctor about modern medical advances as opposed to abstaining. We have a long way to go regarding the normalisation of alcohol and the role it plays in our everyday lives. If someone becomes dependent it's seen as a weakness of character - that they can't handle their drinking - and someone who should be avoided. Our friend would have experienced these judgements and felt the isolation that being dependent brings. Our friend felt shame, confusion and desperation all due to having a clever and resourceful endorphin-seeking brain.
This must never happen again and this is why I am sharing my story today.
I never knew our friend (other than seeing her posts on the school parents Facebook page) but one year ago I was in her shoes - ashamed, isolated and confused because my drinking habits had almost imperceptibly changed. In my twenties I drank socially, in my thirties I poured a drink if I'd had a bad day at work and when the children came, I drank to unwind. In my forties, I noticed that I was always the last person drinking at a dinner party when everyone else had moved to coffee or tea. The hangovers were awful, the inability to recall conversations from the night before were worrying, and the concern I had for my health was top priority. Who had I become? I was a respected business woman, much loved mother, devoted wife. I was not what I thought an alcoholic would be like. ...and that's where the shame and self-loathing appears.
It was with great fortune that one of my google searches produced a TED Talk by Claudia Christian about The Sinclair Method being a successful cure for alcoholism. The adage, "if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is" was always at the back of my mind while I waded through every piece of information on website for The Sinclair Method (TSM) and joined Claudia's Options Save Lives forum where I found people just like me who were curing themselves and using the forum as a support tool. The next important step was to speak to a GP and get a prescription for the non-addictive drug which plays an important role in the process. I was too ashamed to talk to my doctor but I found an online GP who was so terribly kind and told me that "this is very common - more common than you realise". He had heard of TSM and was happy to prescribe the medication while I was adhering the the method and using the forum as my support.
It worked! Within 6 months I was no longer dependent on alcohol. I don't feel the urge to drink at all and now only socially. There is one important rule which can never be broken. I must always take the medication at least 1 hour before drinking alcohol.
In simplistic terms, the medication stops the endorphins from reaching the brain. It needs to be in your system for at least one hour to ensure that the connection is closed. Each time you drink, the brain doesn't receive its reward and over time the brain gets the hint and stops expecting it.
In short, medication + drink = cure.
These days, I simply appreciate the merits of alcohol as a social lubricant, just as a "normal" drinker would. Gone is the shame and self-loathing and in its place is a deep empathy for anyone who is in my “old” shoes.
On learning of our friend's death, I was angry and acutely aware that if were not for the stigma of AUD she may have been helped before it came to this. I cannot bear to think that my silence means that I have blood on my hands. Again, this must never happen again. Please know that help is out there and it's safe, affordable and painless and you have so much to gain.
Yes, a beautiful life was cut short because of alcoholism but also because of the lack of knowledge about the cure for alcoholism.
The shock followed by the tittering of gossip (yes, normal) was followed by personal introspection (normal). Perhaps you are you asking yourself, "could this have been me?"
I’m sure I’m not the only person who has been told that this beautiful person had a problem with alcohol. There was no malice but it does shine a light on how our society processes that information.
Out of respect for our friend, it's vitally important to dispel some common myths here.
"Why couldn't they just stop?" No one sets out to or wants to become alcohol dependent. If it was as easy as "just stopping" then there would be no alcoholics.
"They must have been unhappy!" No, it's purely an addiction. The brain of someone with AUD seeks the quick release of endorphins that a glass of wine will bring and gradually will need more and more to gain the same effect. In fact, it's the alcohol itself which is a depressant both mentally and physically.
"What about AA?" It is well known that AA has a 2.5% success rate. (That's not a typo!)
What has occurred is a tragedy in too many ways. This devastating loss could have been prevented if our friend had had the courage to talk to their doctor about modern medical advances as opposed to abstaining. We have a long way to go regarding the normalisation of alcohol and the role it plays in our everyday lives. If someone becomes dependent it's seen as a weakness of character - that they can't handle their drinking - and someone who should be avoided. Our friend would have experienced these judgements and felt the isolation that being dependent brings. Our friend felt shame, confusion and desperation all due to having a clever and resourceful endorphin-seeking brain.
This must never happen again and this is why I am sharing my story today.
I never knew our friend (other than seeing her posts on the school parents Facebook page) but one year ago I was in her shoes - ashamed, isolated and confused because my drinking habits had almost imperceptibly changed. In my twenties I drank socially, in my thirties I poured a drink if I'd had a bad day at work and when the children came, I drank to unwind. In my forties, I noticed that I was always the last person drinking at a dinner party when everyone else had moved to coffee or tea. The hangovers were awful, the inability to recall conversations from the night before were worrying, and the concern I had for my health was top priority. Who had I become? I was a respected business woman, much loved mother, devoted wife. I was not what I thought an alcoholic would be like. ...and that's where the shame and self-loathing appears.
It was with great fortune that one of my google searches produced a TED Talk by Claudia Christian about The Sinclair Method being a successful cure for alcoholism. The adage, "if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is" was always at the back of my mind while I waded through every piece of information on website for The Sinclair Method (TSM) and joined Claudia's Options Save Lives forum where I found people just like me who were curing themselves and using the forum as a support tool. The next important step was to speak to a GP and get a prescription for the non-addictive drug which plays an important role in the process. I was too ashamed to talk to my doctor but I found an online GP who was so terribly kind and told me that "this is very common - more common than you realise". He had heard of TSM and was happy to prescribe the medication while I was adhering the the method and using the forum as my support.
It worked! Within 6 months I was no longer dependent on alcohol. I don't feel the urge to drink at all and now only socially. There is one important rule which can never be broken. I must always take the medication at least 1 hour before drinking alcohol.
In simplistic terms, the medication stops the endorphins from reaching the brain. It needs to be in your system for at least one hour to ensure that the connection is closed. Each time you drink, the brain doesn't receive its reward and over time the brain gets the hint and stops expecting it.
In short, medication + drink = cure.
These days, I simply appreciate the merits of alcohol as a social lubricant, just as a "normal" drinker would. Gone is the shame and self-loathing and in its place is a deep empathy for anyone who is in my “old” shoes.
On learning of our friend's death, I was angry and acutely aware that if were not for the stigma of AUD she may have been helped before it came to this. I cannot bear to think that my silence means that I have blood on my hands. Again, this must never happen again. Please know that help is out there and it's safe, affordable and painless and you have so much to gain.
Yes, a beautiful life was cut short because of alcoholism but also because of the lack of knowledge about the cure for alcoholism.
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