By mid-July 2017 I had to be honest with myself. I had a problem with alcohol.
It was hard to link the words "problem with alcohol" with how I presented myself to society. I'm a respectable person - a successful small business owner, designer, mother, wife, somewhat of a high-achiever, always on the go, creative, stylish, well presented. How did this happen to me?
What caused me to start hiding the amount I drank (from my husband), waiting for him to leave the room so I could sneak another drink without him knowing. Why did I clock watch for 5.30pm to come around so I could pour a drink? And get agitated if I couldn't have one at the regular time.
Was I alone in this? In thinking about my friendships, I suspected not but no one ever talks about problems with alcohol. It's a secret shame and one that I have lived with for at least 10 years.
I turned 50 in March and organised an 80's themed party for myself - complete with a DJ, drinks waiter, chef, and not to mention a lot of different drinks to choose from. I told my husband that if anyone asks, I don't want presents, I just want people to have a great time and take an Uber home. His reply was, "Well, not everyone has to get drunk to have a good time".
The comment stuck with me and since I've been wondering how we are so different. My husband is bordering on being a teetotaller. He can go for weeks without a drink and then can have a beer if he wants to but rarely has two beers whereas I will drink every night. Not to get drunk but ...to feel "relaxed" or to "de-stress". The lovely relaxed feeling I got after one drink gradually started to need feeding. 10 years ago, it was two drinks and then it snuck up to three drinks for the same effect...and so on until 10 years later I am now sneaking around and hiding that fact that I need at least 4 drinks.
...and let's not kid ourselves here. Those four drinks were not actually measured properly. Those four drinks officially equated to 7 standard drinks. There are 7.7 drinks in a 750ml bottle of wine. Or four unmeasured scotch and sodas would be closer to 8 standard drinks.
I tried to reduce. Limiting to two drinks for one or two nights, but would then need three the next or have a blow out to five drinks.
Living with a non-drinker has probably been the one thing that has saved me from full-blown alcoholism. The unspoken rules we have in our house have slowed the progress. Unless we are entertaining, we don't pour another drink after dinner. We don't drink in the daytime. We don't get drunk. Or in my case, you get very good at hiding the fact that you had too much to drink. A stumble - "oh dear, my shoe got caught" or "my knee gave way". And then toddle off to bed early to sleep it off.
My wake up call came when menopause symtoms commenced not long after my birthday with a long series of sleepless night and hot flashes and then I noticed my hair was shedding. My GP organised some blood tests to determine hormone levels and also for me to share the results with my dermatologist for the hair loss issue. The tests also indicated that my liver was in good condition which was a relief however I am aware that it can stop working as effectively within a very short timespan. This hardworking organ is a ticking timebomb!
Dr Google more often than not is the absolute worst way to research an illness. Generally, people end up doing more harm than good to themselves with a self-diagnosis of cancer or coeliac disease so I alway take what I find with a grain of salt unless it is scientifically supported and cited.
I phrased a few google searches along the lines of "reducing alcohol intake" and "alcohol addiction medication" etc. and after flowing from page to page eventually found myself watching a TED Talk with Ms. Claudia Christian about her success with The Sinclair Method entitled, "How I Overcame Alcoholism".
Everything Ms Christian said made sense to me. But was it too good to be true? TED Talks are not a place you would find unsubstantiated material so it was definitely worth investigating further.
I needed to know more about:
The Sinclair Method
Naltrexone
Alcohol Use Disorder
It was hard to link the words "problem with alcohol" with how I presented myself to society. I'm a respectable person - a successful small business owner, designer, mother, wife, somewhat of a high-achiever, always on the go, creative, stylish, well presented. How did this happen to me?
What caused me to start hiding the amount I drank (from my husband), waiting for him to leave the room so I could sneak another drink without him knowing. Why did I clock watch for 5.30pm to come around so I could pour a drink? And get agitated if I couldn't have one at the regular time.
Was I alone in this? In thinking about my friendships, I suspected not but no one ever talks about problems with alcohol. It's a secret shame and one that I have lived with for at least 10 years.
I turned 50 in March and organised an 80's themed party for myself - complete with a DJ, drinks waiter, chef, and not to mention a lot of different drinks to choose from. I told my husband that if anyone asks, I don't want presents, I just want people to have a great time and take an Uber home. His reply was, "Well, not everyone has to get drunk to have a good time".
The comment stuck with me and since I've been wondering how we are so different. My husband is bordering on being a teetotaller. He can go for weeks without a drink and then can have a beer if he wants to but rarely has two beers whereas I will drink every night. Not to get drunk but ...to feel "relaxed" or to "de-stress". The lovely relaxed feeling I got after one drink gradually started to need feeding. 10 years ago, it was two drinks and then it snuck up to three drinks for the same effect...and so on until 10 years later I am now sneaking around and hiding that fact that I need at least 4 drinks.
...and let's not kid ourselves here. Those four drinks were not actually measured properly. Those four drinks officially equated to 7 standard drinks. There are 7.7 drinks in a 750ml bottle of wine. Or four unmeasured scotch and sodas would be closer to 8 standard drinks.
I tried to reduce. Limiting to two drinks for one or two nights, but would then need three the next or have a blow out to five drinks.
Living with a non-drinker has probably been the one thing that has saved me from full-blown alcoholism. The unspoken rules we have in our house have slowed the progress. Unless we are entertaining, we don't pour another drink after dinner. We don't drink in the daytime. We don't get drunk. Or in my case, you get very good at hiding the fact that you had too much to drink. A stumble - "oh dear, my shoe got caught" or "my knee gave way". And then toddle off to bed early to sleep it off.
My wake up call came when menopause symtoms commenced not long after my birthday with a long series of sleepless night and hot flashes and then I noticed my hair was shedding. My GP organised some blood tests to determine hormone levels and also for me to share the results with my dermatologist for the hair loss issue. The tests also indicated that my liver was in good condition which was a relief however I am aware that it can stop working as effectively within a very short timespan. This hardworking organ is a ticking timebomb!
Dr Google more often than not is the absolute worst way to research an illness. Generally, people end up doing more harm than good to themselves with a self-diagnosis of cancer or coeliac disease so I alway take what I find with a grain of salt unless it is scientifically supported and cited.
I phrased a few google searches along the lines of "reducing alcohol intake" and "alcohol addiction medication" etc. and after flowing from page to page eventually found myself watching a TED Talk with Ms. Claudia Christian about her success with The Sinclair Method entitled, "How I Overcame Alcoholism".
Everything Ms Christian said made sense to me. But was it too good to be true? TED Talks are not a place you would find unsubstantiated material so it was definitely worth investigating further.
I needed to know more about:
The Sinclair Method
Naltrexone
Alcohol Use Disorder
Beautiful description of the way AUD can sneak up on people and how we feel so differently about alcohol than normal drinkers. This could have been written by me and many others. Thank you for starting this blog to inform others of your TSM journey!
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